Nothing is working. I’m pushing. I want to write a blog post today and I keep having false starts. I don’t feel wise. I feel relaxed and happy but not inspired to share something meaningful. Pushing isn’t working. Trying harder is only drawing me farther away from myself –more into my head.
What’s actually going on is I feel vulnerable. I’m scared. I tell you that you are your own expert. I stand on my soapbox shouting to you to listen inside, listen to your body, hear that quiet voice. I tell you I cannot know what is best for you, but what I do know is that if you would like, I will hold your hand as you find it. Kind of a funny business model if you think about it! ☺
In this moment, as I sit at the Impact HUB amongst many entrepreneurs doing cool stuff, I look around and feel my old demons closing in – “who do you think you are?”.
Business is not my comfort zone. Fitness, movement, conversation, connection and inspiration are my cozy warm zones. I want to eat, drink caffeine, I want the time to run out.
This process of stepping into a new way of being is intense. It brings up every dose of resistance in me. It brings up all the beliefs that I cannot doing things this way. It brings up shame for not doing it ‘sooner’ guilt, worry, anxiety – the whole gamut. All good reasons to run and hide and give in, and, something keeps me here.
This process gives me incredible compassion for every person trying something new. It’s intense. It’s unfamiliar. It’s like walking through a new town without a map. It’s unknown. And, it’s exciting.
What I do know is that if I sit here stuck, alone and paralyzed, I am doomed to fail. If I take the first step, feel what I am feeling without running to the familiar: food, exercise, distraction, busyness, or any other highly creative escape, I write to the best of my ability in this moment, I strengthen a new muscle, create a new pathway, a new possibility.
And, THAT, adds a big fat smile to my face! And, a deep deep knowing that following my own inner expert is the only way!
Tell me your stories. Where have you walked head on into your resistance and come out stronger?
I would love to hear.